It’s been a crazy month and it would go against my goal for this year if I didn’t write down all the madness that February had in store for me. The month kicked off with me celebrating my first anniversary in the US Army. After a lot of “sitting around” after finishing Advanced Individual Training (AIT), I started working on the aircraft this month. For now, I’m just getting my hands dirty and shadowing the guys with experience. It kinda reminded of me when I was just 7 or 8 and I used to watch my dad working on the Willys jeeps that we had back then. There’s just so much you could learn by just passing the tools and holding the flash light! It was the same time I learned how to drive (a stick shift at that!) on a country road averaging 40 mph. It’s one of the best memories I cherish from my childhood !
February was stressful because of “V-day”, so dreaded that I dare not spell out the name in full ! Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of how “lonely” I was and that I wouldn’t be “normal” if I wasn’t going to have some sort of candy, stuffed animals, flowers or greeting cards in my shopping cart. Being single is hard as it is and I don’t need anything else to painfully remind me of it. But the day went by smoothly because I decided to throw myself into my work. Good solution, eh? I did however make a list of things that I do want when I get back into the dating “game”. So what do I want? Actually, not a whole lot. All I want is someone that I can have some “face time” with and someone who I can connect with on an intellectual, spiritual and maturity levels. I’ve been in a long-distance relationship before and know the challenges that come with it. And being in the profession that I’m in right now, I (and her) have to face the reality that I won’t be around physically even if I wanted to. Sometimes I wonder if I’m asking for too much. For someone who’s supposed to exemplify both selflessness and sacrifice, is it too much to ask for just a few moments of physical proximity to make up for the time that I’ll be away? It doesn’t get any easier knowing all too well that I just might not come back. It sucks, but that’s the reality of it.
I’ve been thinking about a few other things that some of my female friends have pointed out. Let’s see if I can list them all here. I’ve been told that I’m vague, always think things through, I can be a good catch but take too much time, stubborn, etc. I appreciate you ladies for being honest and am thankful for it. Yes, I'm guilty as charged and in my defense only have to say that, my vagueness is attributed to the walls that I've built around my heart and I'll bring them down once I'm sure of one's motives (the background story sucks, so I'll leave it at that). I think things through because I'm dumb and take hasty decisions when I act on impulse (happens all the time). I take too much time because I usually try to see a little ahead in the future and save YOU the pain if I see it coming. I'm stubborn because....well, I'm stubborn. There's more to say but I rather take it up with the person(s) concerned. It's ironic that I happen to give the impression that screams "I don't want a relationship" (as per another lovely lady) but the heart of the matter is, my heart was in tatters when you smart and beautiful ladies showed interest. If you only knew what I was going through. I don't blame you for not noticing because I'm not the kind of guy that shows "emotions" especially the ones that I don't like! Sometimes there are second chances but one has to be willing to take them.
And oh, I have a few success stories of myself too ! I started cooking this month. Though I've been cooking the same thing over and over again (in hopes of perfecting the dish), I always end up with different results every time! Guess that leaves my taste buds no reason to complain about monotony. I know I'll get better... I think I'm being way too optimistic when I say that. Also, I got my road bike this week. I put it together and have been riding around base. Every time I ride, I feel like a kid and wish y'all could see the stupid grin that I just can't wipe off of my face. School-wise, I'm struggling but I know it'll get better once I settle down with work. I scored well on a language test that I took for the Army and am hoping to see the "rewards" in my paycheck soon. Trying to pick up another language but time is proving to be a constraint.
I think I'll end the stories here. Have to kick-start another week and am hoping things will get better in March. I'm going against my train of thought about being more "open" this year by contemplating shutting down of my Facebook page. I already deleted the FB icon on my phone and will decide the fate of the actual account in the next couple of weeks. Let's see what I end up doing.
P.S: To all my African-American friends - Happy Black History Month !