Sunday, February 27, 2011

I'm glad it's over !

It’s been a crazy month and it would go against my goal for this year if I didn’t write down all the madness that February had in store for me. The month kicked off with me celebrating my first anniversary in the US Army. After a lot of “sitting around” after finishing Advanced Individual Training (AIT), I started working on the aircraft this month. For now, I’m just getting my hands dirty and shadowing the guys with experience. It kinda reminded of me when I was just 7 or 8 and I used to watch my dad working on the Willys jeeps that we had back then. There’s just so much you could learn by just passing the tools and holding the flash light! It was the same time I learned how to drive (a stick shift at that!) on a country road averaging 40 mph. It’s one of the best memories I cherish from my childhood !

February was stressful because of “V-day”, so dreaded that I dare not spell out the name in full ! Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of how “lonely” I was and that I wouldn’t be “normal” if I wasn’t going to have some sort of candy, stuffed animals, flowers or greeting cards in my shopping cart. Being single is hard as it is and I don’t need anything else to painfully remind me of it. But the day went by smoothly because I decided to throw myself into my work. Good solution, eh? I did however make a list of things that I do want when I get back into the dating “game”. So what do I want? Actually, not a whole lot. All I want is someone that I can have some “face time” with and someone who I can connect with on an intellectual, spiritual and maturity levels. I’ve been in a long-distance relationship before and know the challenges that come with it. And being in the profession that I’m in right now, I (and her) have to face the reality that I won’t be around physically even if I wanted to. Sometimes I wonder if I’m asking for too much. For someone who’s supposed to exemplify both selflessness and sacrifice, is it too much to ask for just a few moments of physical proximity to make up for the time that I’ll be away? It doesn’t get any easier knowing all too well that I just might not come back. It sucks, but that’s the reality of it.

I’ve been thinking about a few other things that some of my female friends have pointed out. Let’s see if I can list them all here. I’ve been told that I’m vague, always think things through, I can be a good catch but take too much time, stubborn, etc. I appreciate you ladies for being honest and am thankful for it. Yes, I'm guilty as charged and in my defense only have to say that, my vagueness is attributed to the walls that I've built around my heart and I'll bring them down once I'm sure of one's motives (the background story sucks, so I'll leave it at that). I think things through because I'm dumb and take hasty decisions when I act on impulse (happens all the time). I take too much time because I usually try to see a little ahead in the future and save YOU the pain if I see it coming. I'm stubborn because....well, I'm stubborn. There's more to say but I rather take it up with the person(s) concerned. It's ironic that I happen to give the impression that screams "I don't want a relationship" (as per another lovely lady) but the heart of the matter is, my heart was in tatters when you smart and beautiful ladies showed interest. If you only knew what I was going through. I don't blame you for not noticing because I'm not the kind of guy that shows "emotions" especially the ones that I don't like! Sometimes there are second chances but one has to be willing to take them.

In other news, this month had it's awesome moments. I got to see Gen. George W. Casey, Jr., Chief of Staff of the Army when he visited Ft. Stewart, GA to honor soldiers from 3rd Infantry Division for their courage and sacrifice in the battle. It was an honor to be part of the ceremony where I got to hear 13 soldiers' stories of valor thus earning some, the Distinguished Flying Cross and the others, a Purple Heart.

And oh, I have a few success stories of myself too ! I started cooking this month. Though I've been cooking the same thing over and over again (in hopes of perfecting the dish), I always end up with different results every time! Guess that leaves my taste buds no reason to complain about monotony. I know I'll get better... I think I'm being way too optimistic when I say that. Also, I got my road bike this week. I put it together and have been riding around base. Every time I ride, I feel like a kid and wish y'all could see the stupid grin that I just can't wipe off of my face. School-wise, I'm struggling but I know it'll get better once I settle down with work. I scored well on a language test that I took for the Army and am hoping to see the "rewards" in my paycheck soon. Trying to pick up another language but time is proving to be a constraint.

I think I'll end the stories here. Have to kick-start another week and am hoping things will get better in March. I'm going against my train of thought about being more "open" this year by contemplating shutting down of my Facebook page. I already deleted the FB icon on my phone and will decide the fate of the actual account in the next couple of weeks. Let's see what I end up doing. 

P.S: To all my African-American friends - Happy Black History Month !

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Let's get it started.

It's been ages since I've written anything meaningful. The reason I'm starting now is to have some sort of accountability to myself and also keep track of my plans and goals. I'm usually reserved and it's not going to change anytime soon. I've accepted that fact and so should you. I'm going to talk a little about myself today and perhaps someday will have a decent bio penned down. So on this day, the second weekend of this year, I decided to kick-start my blog and the name might come across a little goofy. I just wanted it to reflect what my main goal for this year was. To get into good physical shape and also better myself in intellectual, emotional and spiritual departments. Sometime in December, 2010 I put a status on Facebook that I wanted to write but I didn't want my English teachers or any females that I've been romantically involved with to read this blog. To my teachers I want to say, "I'm sorry for disappointing you after all the time you invested in me" and ironically that's exactly what I have to say to the lovely woman I was involved with. I did my best but somehow it wasn't good enough. I can't change the past or undo any of the hurt I've caused. I learned a lot about myself and am happy that I am what I am now. I'm still the same I was before but at the same time I'm so much better in so many ways. Thank you for teaching me some very important lessons about life. I really mean it. It wasn't easy the last couple of years but now I know what God intended, so I'm going to enjoy this new found "freedom" and wait for Him to tell me what to look for. All I know is that He always gives us the best.

So, I'm a work in progress so don't think I got myself all figured out. So far I've realized that I'm diligent and patient with most things, but I do experience lapses of A.D.D. when things get boring or when things don't workout in my time-lines. I'm working on being selfless but it's been a challenge for the last couple of years. You'll see me throw fits of rage and go ballistic but it's pretty much a defense mechanism(plus frustration) more than anything else. So if I ever tick you off, instead of blaming me, just go and do soul-searching yourself....but don't worry, I'm usually the first to ask for forgiveness.

I grew up in India and I live in the United States now. I serve in the United States Army and it's a whole another story as to why I enlisted. One reason that I WILL tell you right away is that, I believe this a small world and we all need each other to make sure it's safe for all of us now and for the coming generations ahead. I'm proud to be doing what I'm doing now and I hope to live long enough to achieve the goals that I've set for myself. I hope to see more than half the world and add at least 4 other languages to my quad-lingual skill-set. I'm trained to work on an awesome Attack Helicopter and I can't wait to get my hands on the "real deal" soon.

I love my family and friends. Though I can be skimpy when it comes saying "I love you", I really do. It's a man thing I guess....atleast that's my excuse. I know that over-dozing on "I love you" is a great way to make a woman feel special, but I'm going to wait on her to do all the work this time. (I can see the cringing expressions on my female friends' faces....somehow I can't suppress this impish smile when I typed this.) Usually I give WHATEVER I have but sometimes it feels good to receive too. I'm single...atleast that's what I like to think that I am. I was waiting for a few things to workout in the Love Department and was about to go ahead with my plans but I think God has other plans for me. Remember what I said about "working on being selfless" part, I think God wants me to work on being more patient AND selfless. I've been looking and waiting for answers and He just gave me part of the answer in Nov/Dec, 2010. I'm not in a rush to meet women right now as I have my reasons. If you are The One, it'll happen. Trust me, it will.

I've made many mistakes in my life and am trying not to repeat most of them. God has been gracious to me, protected me from evil and has always been forgiving. I just desire not to hurt Him with my thoughts, desires and actions and have been battling on all those fronts. Just a small sacrifice on my part and it compares nothing when I think of His sacrifice on The Cross for me.

So, dear children, I will make a decent attempt to keep this thing going for as long as I can. I'm not great with aesthetic designs so please bear with me till I find a decent background that is easy on the eyes. Right now, I have some laundry that needs attending to and get ready for the service at the Chapel in the morning. I'm looking forward to an awesome week ahead !