I'm usually good at planning things out and be pretty sneaky at pulling off surprises. The reason for me to be a little upset the last time was justified because I failed to achieve the stated objective. I should have been posting this from The Motherland, sharing with you as to how I went home to surprise my mom for her 61st birthday. She won't be upset with y'all knowing her age as things like these are considered a blessing in the (Asian) culture. I couldn't make it to her retirement ceremony to celebrate her more than three decades of service as a nurse. It would have been so awesome to be able to hear everyone talk about her accomplishments, kindness, love and the amount of respect she commanded from her friends, peers and family. Interestingly, the hospital she ran at the end of her service was the same one I was born in ! So much for perspectives about Indian women, right? I should have gone home somehow but I couldn't as I was in Afghanistan on a "short" tour with no mid-tour leave. Unlike then, I could have gone home but I didn't. I'm a horrible son.
All of my siblings call her Amma -"Mother" in Telugu, my native tongue. But since I'm special and lazy, I call her "Ma" or by her name when I call her on the phone. Did y'all know that I'm my mom's favorite son? In spite of all the heartache I keep put her through, I'm still her favorite. Nobody in my family admits to it but we all know. Apparently, after having two daughters, I was literally "asked for", hence named "Samuel", when I did make my entrance into this world. Along with joy, I brought heartache because I was born with "Transient Tachypnea", a fancy word for having water in lungs when I was born. So I was under observation for a few days in the hospital instead of being bundled up in her arms. I know it looks like I'm talking about myself but I will have to give you my perspective of her for you to understand why my mom is awesome !
It's funny that the only spanking that I got from my mom was the one I never remember getting. Also perhaps because I was only 2. I only know of it because my mom told me that I got one for being extremely quiet. I was such a quiet kid that I wouldn't even cry in the night as a baby. Essentially, I was "drama-free" as an infant even during the times mom had to work the night shifts at the hospital, I would sleep through the night. Unlike my siblings who would bring the house down and my dad would take them to the hospital to be comforted by mom. I was such an angel...I know. She said I needed a whooping because I would go downstairs, sit by the door and people-watch and she was afraid that if someone would try to snatch me up, I wouldn't make a peep. So to teach me about "stranger-danger" and not wander off by myself, I got a whooping ! Says so much about the heart of a mother ! Growing up, I think the harshest thing my mom did to me was try to wake me up early in the morning so that I would do school-work. She'd say, I have the capacity to be smart in school and life but I don't apply myself enough. She's right you know.
I left home 10 years ago thinking I was ready to do grown-up stuff. I thought I was going to be able to take care of myself. Little did I know that I will never grow up for my parents. In spite of all the times I've hurt them, I'm always loved. The love that I get from my mom is so much different that I get from my dad, one is not greater than the other, just different. I will have to write another day as to what the difference is. My mom was pretty sad to see me move to another country because she understood my desires and dreams. When I went broke and didn't have enough money to pay for school, she gave me all her savings and I've never paid her back and doesn't expect me to either. When she told me that the woman I was talking to (a long time ago) wasn't meant for me, I disagreed with what she had to say and instead was rude to her. But mom's wisdom came through and I later saw how foolish I was to not listen to her and that she was trying to protect my heart. The adage "Mom knows best" was definitely true in that case.
****The above four paragraphs were written same time last year. I just stopped in the middle of it as I was getting frustrated for not even doing a simple thing as planning to see my mom on her birthday when she had done and still continues to do so.*****
So last Christmas (when I didn't give my heart to anyone), I made some last moment plans to surprise my family. My only accomplices were my brother and sister (someone has to pick me up and take me home, right?). Since I'm practically a Christmas baby, I went home, stayed the night at my brother's called home the next day and told my parents that I was going to get some Indian food in Korea only to show an hour later at our house. The shock on my mom's face (and later dad's) made me realize that it's not a nice thing to do especially at their age. That said, the surprise was a success and for someone that doesn't celebrating birthdays anymore, I was thankful that I did.
As I get older, I realize how important family is and work towards keeping it that way. At times, I seem to be working and putting a lot into relationships other than what I was born into. I've learnt a lot from watching mom as I think as a kid it was easier for me to talk to her. Dad used to be the authoritarian type though he was always around and involved. And now that I'm all grown up, he and I "compete". (You'll have to wait for another for me to explain that.). I've learnt a lot about serving without complaining, sacrifice, kindness, gentleness and learning to love even when someone is not lovable by watching her. Even though at times she talks tough, I know she's has the kindest heart through her actions. For over 20 years of my life, I didn't know that our oldest sibling was adopted from my uncle when his wife died. My mom though single, believed that a girl should always have the love of her mother so she took raised her for a while by herself before getting married. They didn't any of us kids because they didn't want us to be mistreating the adopted one. Instead, the adopted one got the attention away from her by calling me the adopted ! I'm a guy so I'm supposed to be callous and not let it affect me. (I was the only one with the darkest complexion in our household so it was believable. Though anyone that looks at my mom and I tell me that I take after her.) So I was bumped from being a middle child to being the third but eldest son. Between my younger brother and I, my parents lost another brother who didn't live past a few weeks. She very rarely speaks about it but I'm sure she still hurts over him. And just think I've had a rough childhood having two older sisters, my mom ended up raising two of my other female cousins as her own. I think I deserve sympathy because I had to put up with four older sisters and my baby brother pretty much was the spoiled brat.
I've watched mom serve the most needy and poor in the hospital as a nurse and she would do the same whenever anyone from the town she was from needed her. As a kid I didn't think much of it when people would mention her service but now that I've experienced life a little, I see how much we take it for granted to be kind. I've watched her work all day and ride the train 3 hours after work to come home and do the same the next morning just so that she could be with us when dad's work moved us for 2 years. I've seen her struggle to maintain a semblance of normal life for us kids again and turn down a promotion as it needed to move away for an year. I have seen her give all of her money and never spend any on herself. Even to this day, she doesn't do it.
I think it is easy to overlook someone when one has such gentle nature. As a teen, I remember siding with some idiots and not talking to her for over a month while living under her house and eating the food she made...I was such a knucklehead. As recently as a couple of years ago, I asked her to go shopping with me to buy some kids dresses as gifts and as an idiot, I yelled at her in public because she was taking too long. I saw the look on her face but late that night when she woke up and I was still awake, I said "I'm sorry" to which she simply said "It's okay.". I remember her feeding me the day I left home 10 years ago, the way she cried and told me to take care of myself as she sure knew I wasn't capable of it. I remember the way she was so happy to see me go home after many years. The next day at the breakfast table she was gazing at me so lovingly and I could sense that she was trying to make up for all the 7 years I was gone. I couldn't even look into her eyes as I knew I was wrong to have her miss me like that. Now every time I go back, I make sure I spend as much time with her as I can. Somehow life makes you understand what and who is more important.
I think I've gotten a little too emotional over the last paragraph above. Let me tell y'all some fun stuff. So every time I go home, my mom's friends still think I'm a baby. I say that because I get both my cheeks kissed and fed till I burst. They feel sad (not as much as mom) as I'm still single. My mom thinks I'm lonely (partially true) because I live so far away without anyone to call my own. Almost all her friends' babies are all married with babies and I understand that it kinda hurts her when they inquire about when I'm going to be "settled". You also have to understand that I get a lot of "matrimonial alliances" as Indian people like to refer to just based on whose son I am. Apparently, I'm still the quiet nice kid who is a responsible son. That being said, my older sister kept talking about this particular chick's family that was interested in me. I had sworn off talking to any Indian chicks because of where I live, who I work for and what I look for in a wife. But since I was home this time, my new career is about to take off, I'm in the mindset of getting hitched for life and creeping on the chicks' FB page showed a well educated attractive woman, I said I would give it a shot. So after New Years' church service (yep, that's India and my family for ya.), I meet the girl and her family, after our respective families introduced ourselves, I introduce myself to her father (proud of myself though I was dry-mouthed nervous wreck). I also learned that day that the only people talking about this alliance was my sister and her friend who was a relative of this girl's family. So after introducing myself to the girl who didn't even know my name and talking to her for about 10 minutes (her parents weren't okay for me to steal her on a coffee date), I told her that it was my first time that I agreed to do something like this and if she was okay to take this further she would have to trust but verify (I was proud of me for sharing such wisdom) as it would be long-distance to see if we were a good match. The mission was a "GO" but once I got back to Korea a day later, the chick said she had to back out. I guess 24 hours was all it took for her to make up her mind. No hard feelings as I respect people who don't waste my time especially when it comes to the things of the heart. So that was my first but only "Indian arranged marriage" experience that I will ever have.
So though I'm not getting married anytime soon, (I told my mom I still have few weeks left to find a Korean bride), I'm happy that my mom understands what I'm looking for. She also reminds me that all good things come from God and that I should always pray for everything. Unlike a lot of parents that pressure kids, I'm blessed to have a mother like her. So on this day of her birth, though I can't be with her and be goofy around the house, I pray that Ma lives a long blessed life and that I hope I'm going to be the awesome son that she thinks I am.
Happy Birthday, Ma ! You're the most beautiful woman with the kindest heart I know. I love you.
All of my siblings call her Amma -"Mother" in Telugu, my native tongue. But since I'm special and lazy, I call her "Ma" or by her name when I call her on the phone. Did y'all know that I'm my mom's favorite son? In spite of all the heartache I keep put her through, I'm still her favorite. Nobody in my family admits to it but we all know. Apparently, after having two daughters, I was literally "asked for", hence named "Samuel", when I did make my entrance into this world. Along with joy, I brought heartache because I was born with "Transient Tachypnea", a fancy word for having water in lungs when I was born. So I was under observation for a few days in the hospital instead of being bundled up in her arms. I know it looks like I'm talking about myself but I will have to give you my perspective of her for you to understand why my mom is awesome !
It's funny that the only spanking that I got from my mom was the one I never remember getting. Also perhaps because I was only 2. I only know of it because my mom told me that I got one for being extremely quiet. I was such a quiet kid that I wouldn't even cry in the night as a baby. Essentially, I was "drama-free" as an infant even during the times mom had to work the night shifts at the hospital, I would sleep through the night. Unlike my siblings who would bring the house down and my dad would take them to the hospital to be comforted by mom. I was such an angel...I know. She said I needed a whooping because I would go downstairs, sit by the door and people-watch and she was afraid that if someone would try to snatch me up, I wouldn't make a peep. So to teach me about "stranger-danger" and not wander off by myself, I got a whooping ! Says so much about the heart of a mother ! Growing up, I think the harshest thing my mom did to me was try to wake me up early in the morning so that I would do school-work. She'd say, I have the capacity to be smart in school and life but I don't apply myself enough. She's right you know.
I left home 10 years ago thinking I was ready to do grown-up stuff. I thought I was going to be able to take care of myself. Little did I know that I will never grow up for my parents. In spite of all the times I've hurt them, I'm always loved. The love that I get from my mom is so much different that I get from my dad, one is not greater than the other, just different. I will have to write another day as to what the difference is. My mom was pretty sad to see me move to another country because she understood my desires and dreams. When I went broke and didn't have enough money to pay for school, she gave me all her savings and I've never paid her back and doesn't expect me to either. When she told me that the woman I was talking to (a long time ago) wasn't meant for me, I disagreed with what she had to say and instead was rude to her. But mom's wisdom came through and I later saw how foolish I was to not listen to her and that she was trying to protect my heart. The adage "Mom knows best" was definitely true in that case.
****The above four paragraphs were written same time last year. I just stopped in the middle of it as I was getting frustrated for not even doing a simple thing as planning to see my mom on her birthday when she had done and still continues to do so.*****
So last Christmas (when I didn't give my heart to anyone), I made some last moment plans to surprise my family. My only accomplices were my brother and sister (someone has to pick me up and take me home, right?). Since I'm practically a Christmas baby, I went home, stayed the night at my brother's called home the next day and told my parents that I was going to get some Indian food in Korea only to show an hour later at our house. The shock on my mom's face (and later dad's) made me realize that it's not a nice thing to do especially at their age. That said, the surprise was a success and for someone that doesn't celebrating birthdays anymore, I was thankful that I did.
As I get older, I realize how important family is and work towards keeping it that way. At times, I seem to be working and putting a lot into relationships other than what I was born into. I've learnt a lot from watching mom as I think as a kid it was easier for me to talk to her. Dad used to be the authoritarian type though he was always around and involved. And now that I'm all grown up, he and I "compete". (You'll have to wait for another for me to explain that.). I've learnt a lot about serving without complaining, sacrifice, kindness, gentleness and learning to love even when someone is not lovable by watching her. Even though at times she talks tough, I know she's has the kindest heart through her actions. For over 20 years of my life, I didn't know that our oldest sibling was adopted from my uncle when his wife died. My mom though single, believed that a girl should always have the love of her mother so she took raised her for a while by herself before getting married. They didn't any of us kids because they didn't want us to be mistreating the adopted one. Instead, the adopted one got the attention away from her by calling me the adopted ! I'm a guy so I'm supposed to be callous and not let it affect me. (I was the only one with the darkest complexion in our household so it was believable. Though anyone that looks at my mom and I tell me that I take after her.) So I was bumped from being a middle child to being the third but eldest son. Between my younger brother and I, my parents lost another brother who didn't live past a few weeks. She very rarely speaks about it but I'm sure she still hurts over him. And just think I've had a rough childhood having two older sisters, my mom ended up raising two of my other female cousins as her own. I think I deserve sympathy because I had to put up with four older sisters and my baby brother pretty much was the spoiled brat.
I've watched mom serve the most needy and poor in the hospital as a nurse and she would do the same whenever anyone from the town she was from needed her. As a kid I didn't think much of it when people would mention her service but now that I've experienced life a little, I see how much we take it for granted to be kind. I've watched her work all day and ride the train 3 hours after work to come home and do the same the next morning just so that she could be with us when dad's work moved us for 2 years. I've seen her struggle to maintain a semblance of normal life for us kids again and turn down a promotion as it needed to move away for an year. I have seen her give all of her money and never spend any on herself. Even to this day, she doesn't do it.
I think it is easy to overlook someone when one has such gentle nature. As a teen, I remember siding with some idiots and not talking to her for over a month while living under her house and eating the food she made...I was such a knucklehead. As recently as a couple of years ago, I asked her to go shopping with me to buy some kids dresses as gifts and as an idiot, I yelled at her in public because she was taking too long. I saw the look on her face but late that night when she woke up and I was still awake, I said "I'm sorry" to which she simply said "It's okay.". I remember her feeding me the day I left home 10 years ago, the way she cried and told me to take care of myself as she sure knew I wasn't capable of it. I remember the way she was so happy to see me go home after many years. The next day at the breakfast table she was gazing at me so lovingly and I could sense that she was trying to make up for all the 7 years I was gone. I couldn't even look into her eyes as I knew I was wrong to have her miss me like that. Now every time I go back, I make sure I spend as much time with her as I can. Somehow life makes you understand what and who is more important.
I think I've gotten a little too emotional over the last paragraph above. Let me tell y'all some fun stuff. So every time I go home, my mom's friends still think I'm a baby. I say that because I get both my cheeks kissed and fed till I burst. They feel sad (not as much as mom) as I'm still single. My mom thinks I'm lonely (partially true) because I live so far away without anyone to call my own. Almost all her friends' babies are all married with babies and I understand that it kinda hurts her when they inquire about when I'm going to be "settled". You also have to understand that I get a lot of "matrimonial alliances" as Indian people like to refer to just based on whose son I am. Apparently, I'm still the quiet nice kid who is a responsible son. That being said, my older sister kept talking about this particular chick's family that was interested in me. I had sworn off talking to any Indian chicks because of where I live, who I work for and what I look for in a wife. But since I was home this time, my new career is about to take off, I'm in the mindset of getting hitched for life and creeping on the chicks' FB page showed a well educated attractive woman, I said I would give it a shot. So after New Years' church service (yep, that's India and my family for ya.), I meet the girl and her family, after our respective families introduced ourselves, I introduce myself to her father (proud of myself though I was dry-mouthed nervous wreck). I also learned that day that the only people talking about this alliance was my sister and her friend who was a relative of this girl's family. So after introducing myself to the girl who didn't even know my name and talking to her for about 10 minutes (her parents weren't okay for me to steal her on a coffee date), I told her that it was my first time that I agreed to do something like this and if she was okay to take this further she would have to trust but verify (I was proud of me for sharing such wisdom) as it would be long-distance to see if we were a good match. The mission was a "GO" but once I got back to Korea a day later, the chick said she had to back out. I guess 24 hours was all it took for her to make up her mind. No hard feelings as I respect people who don't waste my time especially when it comes to the things of the heart. So that was my first but only "Indian arranged marriage" experience that I will ever have.
So though I'm not getting married anytime soon, (I told my mom I still have few weeks left to find a Korean bride), I'm happy that my mom understands what I'm looking for. She also reminds me that all good things come from God and that I should always pray for everything. Unlike a lot of parents that pressure kids, I'm blessed to have a mother like her. So on this day of her birth, though I can't be with her and be goofy around the house, I pray that Ma lives a long blessed life and that I hope I'm going to be the awesome son that she thinks I am.
Happy Birthday, Ma ! You're the most beautiful woman with the kindest heart I know. I love you.
