A Fresh Start

Tried everything in my power not to write today. Slept in, talked to family overseas, spent quality time at the gun range, tried napping, foam rolled before and after an itsy-bitsy run-walk, push up and sit-up session, did dishes and now waiting on laundry to be done. I don't think I want to catch up with 6 months of updates but will go till it's time for me to fold laundry and call it a night.

The last one week has been a hassle trying to readjust my body clock to waking up at 4.00 a.m. It's dang too early but gives me decent quiet time to savor atleast 3 cups of coffee. Have to be at the gym by 5.30 in order for me to get back into shape. Have been eating a bit better thanks to moving into my own home and cooking again. Nothing fancy, just good ol' spaghetti and thanks to finding Indian spices in a Korean store, have tried to remember to make some ghetto chicken curry. 2-plus years is long enough for a man to lose what he got not far before that. Was eating pretty crappy while I was in Missouri but the three months I spent there was just enough to readjust moving back to the States.

Currently in Louisiana and I think I am a bit happy not having to be a vagabond for a while. Coming here has been a trip. I think I did mention calling it a day fixing helicopters and switching into a new career field. The high life of Aviation wasn't making life any exciting and most important, wasn't giving me any cool stories to tell to my grand kids. So thanks to the blessings, prayers of family and friends and awesome support from my leadership in Korea, I bid adieu to the Armament Way of Life. I probably must have whined about treated like a child, PT, long hours (and time away) during field exercises, at times horrible leadership (or lack of it), gave me just enough motivation to switch. So now I can do what I want, when I want. Not really, but being the typical proud immigrant that doesn't want to be like everyone else, I decided to continue to serve the beautiful Land of the Free in another role.

I remember being in Louisiana three years ago around the same time. I was here twice for month long training rotations during the peak of summer. Remember it being hot and muggy like it has been since the last few weeks. It's been raining quite often and hard but not as bad as the storm that ravaged some places a few hours away. It's partially the reason why I haven't seen much of this State yet. I think the weather will get better soon and my motorcycle should be coming here soon for me to explore this place on the cheap. Currently live in the middle of nowhere and have to drive at least an hour to see anything interesting. Heard the food is great around here and I hope at least that will make it worth the move...hehe.

In all seriousness, I believe there's a reason God chose this place for me. Professionally, I've heard it's a good place to start because the organization that I work for is pretty small. On a good day, there are probably 1200 people in the whole world that do what I will doing starting next week. Your reputation or infamy will precede far before you even meet them in this career. I was thinking I was going to do a bit of crawling before I started walking but I think I'm jumping in with both feet. Some of my friends say I speak in cryptic tones about my new job. I partially agree but the way I look at it, I will tell you when you're ready when I choose it's the time. There's no mystique I'm trying to create here, I just believe in not drawing attention to what I do because that's who I am. I will share that it's what I think I'm decent at - talking to and helping people without making it seem like it. It has me stressing a bit lately as I'm so new to it and every action and decision has lots of consequences for my intended clients. But so far, I've managed to have made a decent professional image to my new bosses and the guys that I work with have been quite helpful showing me the ropes.

On the personal front, I'm pretty content. Haven't been so at peace in while. New job, new car, a place of my own, no PT (I'm out of shape but am slowly changing it), starting to work on a new degree. Hopefully will be getting into new hobbies like hunting and meet new people. For some strange reason, a private flying license has been going through my head and I'm the kind of person to obsess over something and make it happen and this will be one of those. Being content reminded me that my heart is content as well. I could definitely work on being a better person and it will be a struggle till the day I die. But now having a few things lined up like the ones listed above has been wanting to be open up my heart as well. Not saying I'm not picky like I used to be, just that I'm open. As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, God has someone lined up for me and I just have to work on being a better person and be presentable when I do run into her. I'm a hopeless romantic...

The whole "heart thing" is heavy stuff and right now my state of mind isn't ready to talk about it. I think I had a whole bunch of stuff worked out in my head (partial reason for "writing") and have to be objective. A lot of friends ask me as to why I don't keep my eyes open for a wife at church. Well, my reasons for going to church are selfish. I go there for me, it's a sanctuary that I need to retreat into at times. I did consider a couple of chicks but the timing wasn't right. I think it was around same time in Korea last year that a girl that sang like an angel sent word through one of the church elder's (that's how things are done in some cultures) that she wanted to talk to me. Apparently, my "church manners" were on point for me to be noticed...thanks to my parents' upbringing. As a gentleman should, I did talk to her a few times but I was worrying about my move back to the States and finding a job, so I didn't reciprocate her interest. The one other time was when I was starting to go to a new church in Savannah. Finally notice a beautiful girl (she was always in my face) getting my attention but I just started talking (didn't meet yet but that's how crazy I am) to another girl that I ended up dating for a few months. It wasn't that the Savannah Church Girl was pretty but it was something about the way she treated people and how she served without making a big deal out of it. If I hadn't got back to the girl that I was talking to right before I went to Afghanistan, I probably would have tried to see how things would have gone with her. But long story short, I went to Afghanistan, broke up with the girl for the same reasons that I had before and come back to find the Church Girl in a relationship. That was my sign and I called it day.

I'm oblivious but when I'm not, I make pretty good at reading people and my volunteer roles at church gave me enough opportunities to do just that. People have their reasons to go to church and when a guy like me is working on himself, the last thing he needs is unnecessary drama. Now as I go ahead and distance women that might have been tagging along, I want you to hear my perspective before you drown me out. My biggest "problem" with women at church is how they want to be treated different and special but they act like everyone else. Instead of a natural progression that comes from friendship, some women act like I'm supposed to show up with a ring just because the bat their eyelashes. I think the kind that aggravate me the most are the ones that flirt and just play hard to get the moment they realize that I'm genuinely interested in knowing them. I'm not saying all single women at church behave that way but a few that do (along with their friends) just makes me want to shut everyone else down. Now women have their own gripes about guys at church but it's their own ax to grind. I want to find common ground in my spouse, faith and beliefs among many of things that I want to learn and build on, but I'm not going to throw away finding a place that I go to worship and serve because someone has a different dating philosophy. Heck, the word "dating" itself has to be defined individually for all intents and purposes nowadays.

I think I'm off track, but, more about things of the heart later. For now, I'm worried about starting all over again. I know I'm good in God's hands and just have to be more faithful. I started this blog five years ago and it has served me well. I just have to do sit down and work on my next five year plan like I did back then and start chipping away at it. Have to find some local places to volunteer so that I don't make my time here in Louisiana all about me !

Time to lay down and start all over again at 5 a.m tomorrow and hopefully make it to church on time.