Just short of failure, none of my plans have worked out the way I wanted to over the last 5 months. Whether it be work or life in general, I saw a whole lot happen but can't quite measure any progress. I know I've been trying to chip away at everything that's been coming my way. I thought I was going to get a bunch of personal stuff sorted out during my recovery from surgery but I didn't factor-in the stress of dealing with it all and putting things off. But I thanked my physical therapist and her assistants by getting them chocolate (I'm now their more favorite-r patient) for getting me to where I am today. Still have months to go before I can be anywhere close to where I used to be but learned not to overdo it (I reopened the scar at week three) And the mere 4 pounds I tacked on will be gone in the next three weeks since all I will be doing is cardio.
I feel at my age I'm supposed to know a little of something about everything, whether that comes from formal education, life experiences or listening to wise people. I'm learning that I don't enjoy not knowing and feel inadequate to tackle life. I understand certain things are learned through experience but feel that I don't want to wait for things to happen in their time. For now, going back to college is in the Top 3 things to do this year along with being open to learning from life in general.
I don't think I mentioned this but it's been a little over an year since I've been on a date. The chick was adventurous, sweet and kind, but something about the way we communicated wasn't doing it for me. Talking to her leading up to one proper date and after made me want to tell her directly yet very kindly that I didn't see it go anywhere. I can't speak for the state of her heart and mind then but I hope she saw the wisdom in my honest approach afterward. My conscious is clear as I did the right thing. It'd be nice to find someone who is honest and doesn't play stupid games because why start/build a relationship on lies? Selfish people just don't magically transform into great companions just because you kept them long enough to commit. No wonder things fall apart as soon as the rose-colored lenses come off. I still don't understand how women acting indifferent generates interest because I perceive it as no interest. Like someone and want to know them? Tell them. Don't like someone? Tell them kindly without stringing them along. Perhaps it's not as simple as it sounds...no wonder I'm still single ;)
Since I've not had such a quiet day for more than a month, I thought today was perfect to see how my last year has been since leaving Korea. The itch to travel is getting stronger but so is the desire to grow roots. But I do realize that I'm more quiet, patient and open than before. Appreciate being in the South again where life isn't crazy fast and people are generally nicer. Have been making some friends from church but still reserved as ever. If I weren't on stand-by for work, I would have been on the motorcycle and be gone like I was yesterday. I miss being in Savannah where I had a big social circle and involved in various things.
On days like today, I know better than to waste my time. Will give myself an hour of grace to cook and plan for what I want to achieve before the end of June. A lot could happen between now and then...I just hope to trust in God that it's all good when it does.
