I only have an hour to ramble. It's my day off but I have way too much work in the coming weeks and the only way I can manage is by putting in some hours today. Over the last 30 days I've been wondering what I was doing wrong. In a flash I came to the realization that I'm so busy planning the next 5 and 10 years that I'm forgetting the present and eternity. And that in itself has helped in sorting and prioritizing everything else.
I used to be able to content and manage my "me time" over weekends but now I have to consciously take time off to regroup. The last time I took a week off, I ended up going to Texas to meet a good friend if only for a couple of hours. Though it took longer to get there and back, I was happy for the quiet time on the road which I've become incredibly grateful for. I'm learning to enjoy the present because this past weekend I put in 18 hours on Friday and 12 on Saturday and slept through Sunday afternoon. Why? Because my job at times requires it. Stressful at times? Let's see. I've learned to understand how my body reacts when I'm stressed. Other than the superficial skin breakouts and hair loss, my dreams get absolutely crazy. Since I'm very composed when I'm awake, my altered stated of consciousness includes dreams where either someone is trying to kill me or I'm killing someone. Apparently, dreaming of death is considered a good thing as it symbolizes beginning of all things new and new start. I don't care much about dying in my dreams except for the the fact that it cuts into my sleeping hours...haha.
Dreams are funny, as a kid I would dream I was falling into an endless abyss. As a young adult they became a bit clear and I would be near my home I lived as a teenager and get into arguments with people that I knew back then. But the best dreams happened in Afghanistan where someone was either shooting or stabbing me but the dreams were set in places I knew in Georgia. The only time they bothered me was when I dreamt I lost my rifle on a patrol (never happens in my job back then as an Helicopter Armament guy) and I woke up hyperventilating and reached under my bed to be reassured after touching it and falling back asleep. The last few months I've been dreaming about being shot and stabbed (I prefer being shot as being stabbed feels like eternity) and still not getting quality sleep even when not dreaming. Like I said elsewhere, I love my sleep. Death doesn't bother me as we all have to die one day, it's eternity that I have to ensure is spent with God. If it's time to go, you go. The other day, while observing an autopsy (part of my job description), I was joking with the Medical Examiner to keep me as pretty as possible while cutting me open and closing me up. I'm so vain...
Anyway, to better manage stress and sleep better, I've cut down on coffee. Never thought I would make such a great sacrifice but now I don't drink more than two cups of coffee and never after lunch. Being a non-smoker and teetotaller helps as well since I avoid eating fatty food. The other area that I do need to make changes is my social circle (or lack thereof). I used to love being able to volunteer to take the attention away from myself. Just have to find something that's long term and meaningful. It's so sad that Facebook has become a crutch when it comes to staying in contact. I've always sucked at maintaining contacts and FB isn't helping at all. In fact, I will be getting rid of it till I find my focus again. The last election season has definitely been entertaining and informative in helping me decide who's loony and needed to be removed.
And oh, I did something completely random a few days ago. Signed up on a couple of dating sites. Haven't set up a proper profile (I don't think I will) because it's absolutely crazy to me. I have low hopes from it but you never know. For now, I'm just enjoying the "winks" and interested" notifications. It's ironic that while I'm trying to go offline and meet "real people", I'm doing the opposite. Plus, it kinda makes me feel guilty that I'm not trusting God and His providence to wait for The One.
Anyway, my hour is coming up. Have to cook for the next couple of days and clean and spend about five hours at work.
P.S: Don't forget to remember the people that paid the ultimate sacrifice while they served in the military. I've come to appreciate Memorial Day more now...makes you appreciate the present and think about eternity.
No comments:
Post a Comment