Time is wasted on the youth.

I’m a little mad today. At myself. Not because I got called out by our Command Sergeant Major of our Company in front of over 200 soldiers for not knowing the “Warrior March” song. Not because I had 3 hours to learn and sing it in front of all of them. Not because I had to do push-ups along with them because we all sang it off-key. It was my fault for not having learned about Second Infantry Division’s glorious past. Been here almost a quarter of my tour, I’m supposed to know it by now.  But it made my day and laugh at myself a bit.  In the Army, one (usually) sings first thing in the morning, while running “they” call it motivation, I call it making “life choices” – breathing is more important than making noise. I never imagined that I would be a choir boy until I joined the Army. I don’t usually sing, not that I don’t want to. My siblings are so good at it that they sing in front of large crowds. I don’t sing because I don’t like memorizing lines and I don't like being in front of the crowds. I’m mad at myself because I made some stupid decisions. Didn't manage my time and follow through with my plans. Most importantly, I failed to prioritize. That’s a big no-no in my book. And it seems like I’m not learning from my mistakes.

I've been reflecting a bit after my previous post. What am I trying to achieve by over-sharing. Shoot the breeze, no worries! Letting you all into my life and let you “figure me out”…now what was I thinking? And most of all, am I turning into one of those people who are so full of themselves that they have to show off their pseudo-intellect? If you ever for once think that I’m heading that way, I give you my permission to punch me in the throat. Twice. Perhaps that will circulate the blood back into my brain and I will start thinking clearly again.

I’m mad because I haven’t been taking care of myself lately. Remember my four goals over 5 years ago to grow in physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual departments? Yep, failing in all the subjects. After not having attended the chapel on-base for the last couple of weeks, I finally had to force myself to go yesterday. I hate doing things just to check off the boxes, especially when it comes to things concerning spirituality, but I had to do it anyway. Church attendance and why it’s important to (and for) me is a vast topic and will be sharing another day. It was good thing that I did go, I had signed up to help out in the nursery a few weeks ago but haven’t officially started. Checked-in on my “boss” there and held a baby for a couple of minutes and said something to the effect of “I’ll see you when I see you.”. Such a shame…I know. I’m mad because I didn't finish my planned reading materials. Bought 2 very interesting books - they’re gathering viruses (not cobwebs as they’re e-books silly) while there’s a thick coat of stupid forming in my brain. Didn't practice any Hangul on unsuspecting Koreans either. I’m mad because I didn't take care of my back ever since I got here. Sometimes it takes forever to be seen by an Army doc and since they don’t have a Chiropractor on-base, I've been paying quite a chunk to get help an hour away off-post. Acupuncture and dry-needling have helped a bit but not to my desired timelines or level of healing. Army-way of treatment is to pop some anti-inflammatory pills, stretching and drinking water. Can’t blame the system when too many idiots use excuses and the system to get out of PT (or the Army) and the genuine cases get painted by a broad brush. I’m not even going to talk about the emotional side. Am sticking to the true and tired method of ignoring it till it passes. I know I can work myself up in a frenzy but I've learned to recognize the symptoms and calm myself down. I’m calm. For now.

Well, I didn't do the DMZ tour as I intended to. Things happen and plans change at the last moment. It’s one of those things. I don’t think I can sight-see for the next couple of weeks. Perhaps the weekend of St. Patrick’s day. I should use the next 14 days to remedy all things that didn't go as planned. If I stop being dumb and see through my plans and goals, I can think of rewarding myself.

I rucked 45 pounds just 4 miles under an hour last week. I need to do at least 6 miles tomorrow and add a mile every other day. It’s still way too cold for me to ride my bicycle here. Running 6.30 mile pace gives me a brain-freeze, don’t think my body will appreciate averaging 18 miles on the bike under 32F weather. I miss running the Talmadge Bridge with friends in Savannah. I can’t believe I said that. I love my friends and I hate running. I have to go now and cook Spaghetti or eat junk food for the next 2 days. The Korean fruit and snack I bought yesterday are almost all gone. And I’m trying not to drink more than 3 cups of coffee a day…blasphemy, I know.

Will think of nicer thoughts to write and not be such a Sally (or a Bha-bo “stupid” in Korean) next time.